A few months ago, I was at a gallery opening.
It was a small gallery in Montreal, and there were only a few people at first. Then a group of five girls walked in, and one of them caught my eye.
She was gorgeous.
She was wearing a beautiful light dress that fit her body perfectly.
We started chatting and we hit it off instantly. I was a bit nervous inside but it didn’t really show. I was playful and fun. She was laughing, and everything was going well. We had several things in common. I even ended up giving her a little dance lesson on the spot. She loved it.
As the night came to an end, I asked for her phone number and got it.
That’s when I started messing it up.
I just couldn’t play it cool.
She felt a genuine attraction to me when we met. For several weeks, she answered my emails and text messages. But it was hard for me to find time to talk on the phone.
Over the next couple of months, that initial attraction gradually vanished. There are a few reasons for this: she lived in another city and it was not practical to see each other; we didn’t have any friends in common so nobody told her about me positively; she had her own life going on; and once she got back into her routine and activities, she probably realized I wasn’t her type that much; she might even have had someone else in her life she was interested in.
Even after she stopped replying, I kept following-up with her, and letting her know when I was in town.
By then, it was already over.
There was pretty much nothing I could do to make something happen with her anymore.
That really felt like a failure. And it’s not a good feeling.
Ok, let’s get to the lesson.
Actually, there are two lessons to learn from this experience.
First, you lose points by chasing a prospect.
They value you less.
It sets the frame for the interaction as you being the one to work to get them as clients. Since they don’t have to work to get value from you and you’re the one chasing them, you look desperate. They tell themselves your services aren’t that interesting after all.
It is much better to attract, to let them come to you. Make sure they’re interested and there is a good fit before you go for the close.
Email and text messages aren’t the best way to communicate.
Emotions are not well transferred, as there is no body language.
If you can meet them in person, it is preferable.
Is there a business event where you are likely to see them? It is best if you just bump into them. It will give you an excuse to continue the conversation and increase that attraction without looking needy.
Otherwise, give them a phone call and leave a voicemail if they don’t answer.
If they don’t return your phone calls, you can follow-up once or twice more, then that’s it. Let them come back to you. They might just have been busy.
If they haven’t answered for several weeks, chances are they’re just not interested. You can and should keep it touch once every few weeks to see how they’re doing and if there is anything you can help them with. They might actually be interested further down the road.
However, it’s important not to be pushy or you’ll set yourself up for failure.
What about you? Have you had a similar experience? What did you learn from it, and how does it apply to business?
